Quotes by Myself

Ha how vain am I?

Some of the few well-thought out things that pop out of my mouth from time to time

"There are some people in this life we really wish we could hate and instead we are doomed to love them"

"I'm becoming increasingly fascinated with this odd manifestation of well-worded paragraphs (at least on my part) called blogging"

"Revolution and change never comes from those who aligned with the status quo of their society. Revolution comes from rebels."

"Poetry is a spontaneous description of the soul"

"It's not about if it makes him or her or them happy. It's about what's best for you."

"You say you want to get underneath. But aren't you afraid of what lies beneath?"

"A wrong is still a wrong no matter how big or small it is."

The Whole Blogging Scene

Unusually enough, I'm actually starting to like blogging. This is what? The eighth post or something that this month? I've tried blogs before but just never have gotten into them. I'd post once or twice and then lose interest. I've actually managed to maintain this one though. I'm still kind of uncomfortable posting what's going on in my life (which is always contradicting because I want to post something, but half the time my life is too intimate to post for the world to see). Just because I know if I do, I'll share my thoughts on the matter and I wouldn't want to offend anyone. Not that I'm mean; just blunt and strongly opinionated. Plus I almost always see both the good and bad in things. Like right now, if I were to post about my day, I'd say some nice things and I'd say probably some offensive things too. Maybe I'm just hard to please but I don't think I've ever had a perfect day-something is bound to irk me just a little bit. That doesn't mean I focus on one tiny negative thing but if I were to tell someone about my day, I'd probably mention it even though I'd be generally very pleased. I guess maybe some people would say I'm just too focused on the negative. I say it's more of a realist thing-let's face it, nothing can be perfect. Besides detailed, observant people like me are bound to notice flaws :). For instance, I've likely written too much on the subject and should someone happen to see this, they will be bored to tears.

In short, I just don't understand how people can be ok with posting EVERYTHING that goes on in their life-and trust me, I've looked at a lot of blogs and some people do post just about everything.

But I like the concept of blogging and I do like having a place to vent when I'm upset, which I frequently am because let's face it, I'm a psycho lol. Jk-well kinda. The psycho part is pretty true.

I actually get my thoughts better worded when I'm writing for the most part. I find it easier to coherently organize what I'm thinking and including everything I'd like to say; when I try to say it outloud, I usually get flustered and forget something. It is difficult for me to get my true emotions out verbally. Unless I'm singing but that's a little different-music was made to express emotions. Conversation however is primarily to bull your way through life because honestly in today's society who really says how they feel? If you ask someone how they are, they typically answer they're fine or ok. But how often are they really? Maybe I'm just weird but I know I'm not half the time when I tell someone that; we're all still expected to smile and say it anyways.

I'm a bit of a social reformer, if you can't tell-I'm a realist but I wish idealism was possible. In the words of my friend Harmony, "If we could all just take care of each other, the world would be taken care of." I believe that. I truly do. But the odds of it happening, especially with the mindset of the world we live, is almost impossible.

Another thing I wish was possible is if everyone could balance indiviualism with ethnics. Too often people think to be an individual, they should do whatever they want. They become Hedonists and put themselves first. They can drink, smoke, have sex, whatever-they're just being individuals therefore they can do whatever they want. Now I'm no conformist, but I don't feel a need to go party hardy to be an individual. That's just stupid-you'll be individually unhealthy and ugly in a few years from screwing your body over. Individuality is not being afraid to have your own personality, do your own hobbies (drinking and partying are NOT hobbies), and doing what ever it is you do to make the world a better place. Individualism is not being afraid to defend the obscure kid when society is condemning them. Individualism is using your brain by yourself and not having it controlled by the media. You know what, the partiers are the real conformists. They're like a bunch of robots controlled by the booze section in the grocery store.

Wow...this is long post. I'm done ranting now.

Well...

Well I have stuff to say but no one to say it to. I want to post something but wouldn't want what I'm thinking about right now avaliable on the world wide web. What a paradox this is. 

I hope my dance teacher doesn't think I'm an idiot-I promise I'm not. In fact, most of the time I prove to be a highly intellectual young lady. 

I'm just unsure of myself at the moment. 

I'm unsure of myself because I feel like everything I learned was wrong and I'm starting from square one. I'm unsure because my body is currently bloated up and my hormones are out of whack. I'm unsure because in the past week I've become something I rarely am: indecisive. I'm unsure because I question what my real motives are-am I really mad at that person for what they did or am I just dragging this out for other factors? I'm unsure because I'm constantly being thrown into situations with people I'm not comfortable with and as usual act stupid because I'm a retard who can't get out of their shell.

Now I don't want to make excuses. These just seem to be the causes of my wish washy self lately.  If anyone happens to have constructive criticism, I'm all ears. 

Just Random Bits of Junk And Fluff as I sweep out the corners of my brain

*I know I have something to say. I just haven't formulated the right sentences to say it yet. 

*Water is a marvelous thing. Zero calories, hydrates and clears skin. It even tastes good.

*Boys should ask girls on dates more. Specifically myself.

*"Boys want to feel like a king and girls want to be treated like a queen. It may seem as if there is little  difference but there is a significance" -Beyond the Spell for Teens

*This will be put in one of my songs someday so don't steal it! "I'm looking for inspiration and I think I found it in your eyes." You steal it, you die.

*Today was the best school day ever. WHY? Well I'll tell you why. Because there was hardly anything associated with school at all! Not even a classrooms

*VAST and Trading Yesterday ought to get awards for their musical and poetic geniusness. It's a pity more people haven't heard of them

*I always have an opinion. Whether I share it or not is an entirely different matter

*Pleasant suprises are what they're suppose to be to most people. PLEASANT! That's why its called that.

*There's no such thing as Nothing in this world. There just isn't. Don't even get me started on it. I have a whole speech prepared to support this thought. 

*I know I'm breaking normal tradition, but not everyone is special. Everyone is different but that does not necessarily make them special. Some people really are specially. Some people are made for greatness. Some people are more known than others. But those are all three entirely seperate things. Being one does not guarantee the benefits of the other two. And some people are just ordinary people who will never be of consequence to anyone outside of their own family. It's life. I'm sorry I'm breaking the idealistic opinion that everyone is special but I'm just telling you how reality is at the moment. If you ever find the perfect world let me know.

*For such an...aggressive...person I actually have a fear of small, sharp objects. I absolutely loathe them. In fact, I have an insane paranoia of needles. Any kind of needle include safetly pins. 

*As I was just saying to Jon, it's rude to interrupt people who are kissing, especially if they're in private. Unless you're making out in the school hallway. Then you deserve to be shoved for blocking traffic and for showing the rest of the student population something we could've gone our whole lives without seeing. Plus it's just disrespectful to your partner. That should be done in secluded areas. I dont want to see it. Nobody wants to see it. And I'm sure one of the two don't want everyone gawking at their slobber going everywhere.

*Stuffy noses suck. The worst is when you can breathe through one nostril while the other is still clogged. I'd rather have all or nothing.  

*Curse that A-. I am .4 from getting a 4.0 gpa this term. Ms. Rhodehouse I hope will be nice and give me something to just barely raise it up. 

*Bleaky? I like that word. Is that a real word? If not then its mine.

*I HATE MESSES! I KNOW I'M NOT THE MOST CLEAN, ORGANIZED PERSON IN THE WORLD BUT FOR CRYING OUT LOUD WE DON'T NEED TO BE PIGS!

*Straw Machine?

*Breaking Benjamin is good for breakdowns

*Christopher Columbus and the Revolutionary War are in the Book of Mormon. I'll even prove it to you

I swear he doesn't even see me

Heaven

To see your face last before I close my eyes to sleep

And to know you are beside me when I wake from lacking dreams

-Bailey

17?

It's supposedly my birthday on Sunday. Weird. I doesn't feel like I'm getting any older but my digits are going up. I still feel 15 years old. In fact, on a few bubble sheets this week I accidentally entered my grade as 10th. It just doesn't feel like in a few days I'll be a year older. It's not even clicking in my brain that I will turn 17 on May 10th. I don't even want to celebrate or anything.

Well maybe a little but just because it makes me feel special and who doesn't want presents.

But seriously, I don't even know what I want or what I want to do. Just make me something yummy, give me something cute and meaningful, and I'm good. Anything I can think of that I want is too expensive and something I'd actually like to pick out like a laptop. But I don't want someone picking out a laptop for me. That's something I would like to do. I guess I wouldn't mind some new clothes. I'm a small in shirt sizes in case anyone cares. Or gift cards work too.

Or I'd even love it if people actually remember my birthday.


MOOD: nervous, tired
SONG: Pacific Wind composed by Ryan Farish

Anger

Isn't it a little messed up how it's easier to get mad at the people you truly love and trust? You'd think since you hold them in such high regard, it would be harder to express how upset you are with them then the people you don't even care about.

Eve is My Hero

She truly is. Being the first woman on the earth would be one of the most difficult situations. It was also be very rewarding. But no doubt difficult. Imagine experiencing life without any direction.
I know as a woman that even though I don't always heed the counsel of others, I would probably go mad without my female friends. But it's just Eve and Adam. No offense to the males but girls and boys just don't think the same all the time. That would be so difficult having nobody to him to talk to. Their communication must've have been wonderful because there was no one else around. So when one of them was screwing up, they didn't have friends to go vent to. They would've only had each other. So I guess maybe it would be hard at first but probably a good thing in the long run.

Or can you imagine giving birth to Cain? Oh my goodness. The first person to ever give birth. No doctors. No medication. It couldn't have been to comfortable either. And all you have is your poor husband who has no clue what to do because he's already emotional and it's not like Adam has ever seen a childbirth before either. Poor guy. Eve must have been very brave. Much braver than anyone I know.

Just the pain of going to perfect paradise to being out in a world of hurt is enough to drive anyone mad. Let alone having to experience all that life entails without any comfort.